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Monday, September 20th, 2004

Time:8:35 pm.
They're both gone and I don't know if I'll undelete them, probably not the smaller one but maybe the slightly older one will survive this trainwreck.

Just leave me alone.

Masokyst is dormant no more.
game over, or...

Time:8:24 pm.
Hello one and hello all. This nostalgic update brought to you by apathy, inc: we just don't give a fuck.

Grey days and twisted bedsheets. I cannot imagine what life must be like for someone who refuses to remain anything but a bedridden invalid on regularly scheduled intervals. Today is rainy, I don't think I'll do anything today. Boohoo, let me cry about my mishaps and fallacies and my horrible, horrible life. I'm forty years old, and I've forgotten how to walk, so I'll just sit here and drown myself in champagne and pillows and recently groomed dog fur. There is nothing to look forward to in life. My daughter is a sophomore in high school - and she still hasn't learned how to clean her room. I can buy a house, but I can't wear a ring. My husband likes to cook, and our lawn is dying. Life in suburbia has become a living hell for me, the Invalid, the one who Forgot Her Legs. I was once a Queen and now I am a cripple. I was once the ruler of the green hedges and "Howdy neighbor!"'s, and now I am the queen of a peon and a drunken bastard. Kill me now. Watch me die. God I love that dog.

And so it goes on, life in the Suburbian Nightmare, and the daughter does her homework and the mother sleeps sometimes, but sometimes she'll Remember Her Legs. The daughter wants to get out and the Husband is mowing the lawn and washing his flat, calloused hands. The pretty people retire and live on, and the sugar-coated people who are rotting on the inside sit in their houses and think, if only I had more money, while presing their bubblegum lips to thin glasses of heavy champagne. Alcohol and antidepressants do not mix and neither does the Sophomore and Optimism. Optimism in our Suburbia is ignorance. Reality is much more satisfying for it disappoints without being disappointing, and lets down without letting down.


The Sophomore still dislikes your boyfriend, who is now reading this and thinking to himself, 'hmm. perhaps I should stop reading journals supposedly abandoned'.
...continue?| game over, or...

Sunday, August 29th, 2004

Time:4:22 pm.
I'd just like to clarify that if anyone feels offended by ANY entry read here, including the various ones about Kitty, kindly remove your head from your ass and realize that I haven't updated this thing in forever. I don't necessarily feel the same way I used to. Quit bitching.

- The Management
...continue?| game over, or...

Wednesday, May 12th, 2004

Time:4:21 pm.
I'm abandoning this journal, not because of censhorship issues but because I'm fucking sick of "OMG UR A GOTH ARENTCHA" shit. I need some sort of positive change anyway.

So this is goodbye. It was fun but that ndp_pride spat completely ruined it for me, so as of today masokyst is obsolete. I'll still keep it up for personal reasons, since this journal is a bajillion years old and sort of has sentimental value for me.
...continue?| game over, or...

Tuesday, May 11th, 2004

Subject:pretty plane crash
Time:6:29 pm.
Well, in the wave of new disclaimers, I'm jumping on the bandwagon.

So here it is: my official disclaimer.

I don't give a rat's ass if something in here offends you, unless you're a friend, in which case an apology or at least some sort of explanation is in order. If you're just some random person who I don't know very well at all, and something you read here pisses you off, well that's the way it is. Tough. Chances are your shakily-formed opinions about me and the things I say are wrong anyways, and that's your problem. I refuse to dance around controversial topics or censor myself, which is why I'm not editing out any entry or friends-onlying anything. The community is another story, because it's a purposely interactive thing, but my journal is my journal and mine alone. I'm not forcing anyone to read it, and I'll say whatever the hell I want in here, since I have nowhere else to do so.

Now that that's out...

I want to go to sleep.
...continue?| game over, or...

Monday, May 10th, 2004

Subject:hey suburbia -- we're in love with you. shut up.
Time:9:43 pm.
Eliza's right, tomorrow is going to be awkward.

Frankly, you guys, I'm sick of all this and I'm considering supporting just deleting the damn NDP community. If it's going to be such a huge deal, and if it's going to really piss you guys off, then leave it and we'll make it obsolete. I don't mean to sound as if I'm taking sides here, but Clare did not post retarded flames in the community about how much I suck for judging Mr. Derico back then, nor did she bitch at us and judge us based on our own opinions. She didn't do that. She just said that we should give him a chance, people. She didn't fucking napalm our houses or threaten to tell everyone she knew about what assholes we were, so stop acting like it's some huge invasion of privacy. This is the internet. Everything is public. Even if Clare hadn't found NDP_pride through my screename, which I'm STILL happy I gave to her by the way, no doubt someone else would have found that entry eventually and had an even worse reaction. Look: people express their rants and opinions, however biased, and other people get hurt and pissed off. That happens. It's not an invasion of privacy, it's not a judgement unless that person turns it into some big-ass flame war, so just leave this issue alone. Please. This is completely stupid and I am not going to get sucked in to a huge fight with my closest friends because of something this menial.

Much love to my Emily.
...continue?| game over, or...

Time:7:09 pm.
I don't think I've felt this bad in years.

That is all.
...continue?| game over, or...

Time:10:36 am.
4 minutes left in BASIC class and I feel crappy. I'm angry all over again at the person who got the below entry dedicated to them, but I'm trying not to think about it. I'm good.

I've had songs from JCS in my head all day, along with that stupid farking "Seasons of Love" song. R3n7 15 t3h sux0rz. Did you know that they put that song in a commercial now? I think it's a local one, so I hear it all the time. *mocking high pitched voice* Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred miiiinutes...

No offense to my darling Irena, it's nothing personal. The song just... argh. I don't know why I dislike it so much, I just do.

Gotta go now, BASIC's over. fuxor. see you guys later
...continue?| game over, or...

Sunday, May 9th, 2004

Time:7:45 pm.
I did it again. Even though her LJ is friends only now, no doubt because of me, I've infiltrated it using my ninja skills. Just out of curiosity. She doesn't hurt me anymore. Her memory doesn't hurt me, the 'what if's' don't hurt me, nothing hurts me. All I feel for her is disgust.

Even so, I know that reading her journal was wrong. I need to forget her completely, push her out of my mind; and though it's getting easier and I don't think of her constantly, still she lingers.

That being said, here is is my translation and summary of one of her world-famous "OMG IM SO IN LUV WIT MAH ONLINE BOYFRIEND WHO I'LL NEVER MEET ^_____^" entries.

If I had lost you, Andy... oh my god. I would have cried like so much. A lot. I would have also called all of my special internet friends and cried on the phone, too. Then I'd cut myself and cry some more. Oh my god. I love you so much. I just.. oh my god. I can just see how I would look after you broke up with me, oh my god. My arms and legs would be covered.. in deep cuts... to release the unholy gothic emo pain that whirls inside me with every threat to our magical fairytale love.

I love you so much. I am who I am because of you, and everybody else sucks compared to you, even my internet friends who have the balls and naivete to put up with my whiny crap day after day! You are so great, An-dee. You will always be my scoochy-poochy-woochy-poo. I am a walking, living tribute to you. All of my shallow ramblings, all of my obviously fabricated depression, all of my mocking lies and attention-whorish qualities; all of these I've created to pay tribute to you!!! Oh my god!! You are so great! I love you so much you are so great OH MY GOD.

But I don't just love you. No sir. We have something more than love. It's not love. It's something magical, something that ties us together forever and makes me spell your name in weird ways that include 'And-ee', 'Andeh', and 'And-ee-rew'. I just want to be near you all the time, even though we've never met. I just want to grope you and pet your head and make weird purring noises while contorting my face to resemble a '^_^', like we do online. I want to live with you and have your children. I want to get married. This is like a line out of a romance novel, but I am so completely and totally in love with you that I would.. do.. anything for you, my And-ee. I want to kiss your forehead and place my chin ontop of your head, softly. And I want to cry, because you don't know, that you'd never, ever, ever lose me. It's the honest truth, you can trust it as much as you trust God's word.

I love you so much, my And-ee. And that will never, ever....

ever ever....

ever ever ever ever....

ever ever...


the "I want to kiss your forehead...God's word" lines are taken directly from her entry, just to show you how completely and honestly batshit insane she is.

In conclusion, I would like to send a big, hearty "FUCK YOU" to Danielle Shaw of Babcock Lane for the last time. Never again am I going to talk to her, or think of her, or read her journal... hilarious though it is. This is my send off. So long and thanks for all the fish, you miserable wretch.

P.S: Oh by the way, God hates you too, Danielle.
...continue?| game over, or...

Friday, May 7th, 2004

Time:10:18 am.
A buttload of teachers are out today, including Mrs. Rapp and Miz Downs, so as a result we have an undeclared Free Day in BASIC and Mrs. Buoy or whatever for Algebra. I was here at 6:50 AM, people, because Downs said she'd be here to tutor me! She *said* she'd be here for me in the morning! Did she show up? No! Agh! Crap on a stick! Usually this wouldn't bother me, but I have a test today that I'm completely unprepared for and I doubt Mrs. Buoy, being a nazi and all, will let me.. not take it. During my fantabulous adventure in Albuquerque, I missed learning three of the five sections we're getting tested on today, and I couldn't go to Mrs. Downs during the week otherwise because of driver's training and OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO FAIL.

Now that that is established...
I'm sitting here in BASIC, bored out of my mind because I finished all of the reviews. I'm so great. DeMarco is playing gospel music on his computer, and the depressing thing is that so far I've recognized every single song. Agh. I could sing of your love forever, Chris.

The following section is dedicated to Eiji, who is the only one who probably knows what I'm talking about.
I've got one more level left in Silent Hill 2. >___< It's such a short game! But oh well, it's good and I'm excited for the Pyramid Head fight at the end. He's... he's so ugly xD I like Silent Hill 3 better, though, because it's a lot scarier; Silent Hill 2 is more... just... creepy. They're still awesome games though. Yay for them.

Oh good god, DeMarco's on a roll here. He's got "Shout to the Lord" blaring on his computer and it's been blaring on his computer for at least five minutes, please make him stop.

I miss aniki. I'm worried about him because I can sense that he's really unhappy, even when we don't talk because I haven't seen him in awhile; did something happen last night, brizzo? Or was I just feeling cracked out because of my three hour Silent Hill session? I miss you.

Alright... I'm done, later kids
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Thursday, May 6th, 2004

Subject:At least my doctor gets paid...
Time:6:04 pm.
While looking through a bunch of the LJ's in the youth group circle, (I was looking to see if Joel had one since he's my favorite deputy) I decided that I really want to friend Corey. She's so awesome.

But then I remembered: she's Ben's sister.

I've written a lot about Ben, and damned if I'm ever going to edit the old entries just to avoid gossip or misconceptions. I don't edit or censor myself, ever. I'm way too cool. So it's decided that I'll leave Corey and the rest of youth group alone on the LiveJournal front, except for Ashton. She's so awesome it scares me sometimes.

Flunked a religion test today for the first time ever, and I went through driver's training with a jar of half-consumed Chi-Chi's brand salsa on my desk. My salsa made all the pretty girls want to dance and oh, it was so glorious. My life is boring. Sorry.

My eyes hurt.
My head hurts.
My heart hurts.

Damn you, Mr. Spiegal, damn you and your polite omittance of the fact that you did indeed have a girlfriend on the night of February 7th.

>D I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm in a pretty good mood right now because I'm about to go to starbucks. Later kids, I love you all.
...continue?| game over, or...

Wednesday, May 5th, 2004

Time:9:43 pm.
Today was the seniors' last official day of school, and it makes me a little sad because our seniors were cool. Sort of. Some of them. Teri is so awesome, I'm going to miss her when she goes to State. >_<

The art show was really nice. Eliza's prom date seems to be a cross between Frida Kahlo and Pee Wee Herman, which is a frightening combination if you think about it, but hey it's all good.

Now that we're on the topic of school... well, hm. I've been turning into a zombie between the hours of 7:45 and 2:30. It seems like I just wake up, work, go to sleep, wake up, work, go to sleep, and just keep going and going until Friday. I can't remember details anymore, everything seems to be a blur of sleep, work, waking up. It takes me two minutes to remember what I had for lunch when mom asks me after school, and it takes even longer for me to remember what we were lectured on in any given class. I feel like I'm dead but my body's still alive, and all I do nowadays... all I do is centered on other peoples' happiness. I'm not getting good grades to make myself happy; that's for mom. I'm not cracking jokes about abortion (even though it's a hilarious topic) to make myself happy; that's for everyone else. It's like I've got a facade up constantly, but I can never remove it, because it's actually become a part of me...

Does this make any sense?

When I get home, everything changes. I've become more and more comfortable with spending time by myself, and that scares me because when I'm by myself, I'm never really alone. Raphinou's there, too, and sometimes Mika. Sometimes I muse on this and think myself crazy for having people only I can see as my friends, but then again, consider the possibilities. I could be just lonely, but I have tons of friends who'd cut off a limb for me. I love them and I spend hours with them daily; surely I'm not lonely. Maybe... this is normal? Maybe, just maybe, this newfound state of strangeness is considered normal among the writers and creative people in society. Maybe, but I doubt it. Raphinou and Mika are my muses, though, and that's perfectly acceptable with writers. Writers have muses and alter-egos, as do I, only mine talk to me. So I could be normal, right?

... Nah. I'm crazy, there's no way around it. Oh well.

Love you guys
...continue?| game over, or...

Monday, May 3rd, 2004

Time:4:17 pm.
I stole this quiz from Ashton, yay! So here's.. um.. a quiz thinger, because I feel like putting off doing homework:

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of"
And no, that's not from a self-help book, I swear.

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
I can't touch anything unless I stand up and walk sideways for maybe ten steps >.>

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
Terminator 2: Judgement Day. Horrible movie.

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
Ryoko chewing on something in the kitchen

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
Opening the door for my mom

8: before you came to this website, what did you look at?
Har har, Ashton's LJ

9: what are you wearing?
School uniform

10: Did you dream last night?
Did I? I think so.

11: When did you last laugh?
When me and Alex were making up songs about Osteoperosis in Biology.

12: what is on the walls of the room you are in?:

13: Seen anything weird lately?:
Miz Wrouble smiled today

14: What do you think of this quiz?:
Something to do, I guess.

15: What is the last film you saw?:
Galerians: Rion

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
All the Weiss Kreuz I could drool on.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I'm super-cool.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:
Um... what would I do... hm. I'd make L337 the official language of Canada.

19: Do you like to dance?:
Oh hell no.

20: George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or some one who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?:
He sucks monkey butt, I hope he gets eaten by ice weasels.

21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:

22: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:

23: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
Eh, maybe, depends on where and if Emily can come with me. Canada: No. Japan: Yes.
...continue?| game over, or...

Time:2:47 pm.
Everyone, I'd like you to sample my latest masterpiece. I made it up during my hour-long wait for my ride after school, and I call it "The ABC's of the Apocolypse". It's so great. t sounds serious at first, and then it gets... retarded. I love it.

A is for abortion clinics; babies are killed here
B is for bombings, people dying everywhere
C is for Canada; this one is self-explanatory
D is for destruction, if you die quick you're pretty lucky
E is for empty, which is how your house will be
When the IRS comes knocking and you must sell everything
F is for Fallujah, where we got officially screwed
And G is for the best game ever, known as Grandia II
H is for H-Bomb, one click and we all die
I is for Iraq, a war started with lies
J is for Jackson, Michael's getting sued
And L is for loser, because I felt like putting that in here too
M is for monkey, soon they'll be extinct
N is for Nukem, that game really stinks
O is for ostrich, which doesn't rhyme with anything
I was gonna put 'osteoperosis' there but you can't have everything
P is for penguins, because they really rock
Q is for quantifiable, big words make me smart
R is for 'retard, smart and rock don't rhyme'
And S is for the dead lead singer of Sublime
T is for television, destroying all our youth
U is for uterus... coz that's a good word too
V is for violets! You thought I'd say somethin' dirty
W is for Willard, the weirdest-ever movie
X is for x ray, 'coz nothing else starts with X
And Z is for... zylaphone.... I think I spell it best


:D It doesn't flow at all with just the lyrics, but I have a tune for it and it's sung pretty fast, so it sounds good when put to music. 'U is for uterus'... oh, I'm so horrible. No offense to any Canadians out there, either, unless your name begins with 'C' and ends in 'Eline Dion'. Evil bitch.
...continue?| game over, or...

Sunday, May 2nd, 2004

Time:6:10 pm.
As most of you know, I don't usually like putting lyrics in my livejournal, but I find this particular song to just be too deep and meaningful not to share with you all. It really relates to my life, and the lyrics are enough to rival Bright Eyes'. These lyrics are like poetry. They are deep... like an ocean.

Bombs are flying.
People are dying.
Children are crying.
Politicians are lying, too.
Cancer is killing.
Texaco's spilling.
The whole world has gone to Hell, but how are you?

I'm super, thanks for asking.
All things considered, I couldn't be better, I must say!
I'm super. No, nothing bugs me!
Everything is super when you're -- don't you think I look cute in this hat?

I'm so sorry, Mr. Cripple,
But I just can't feel too bad for you right now!
Because I'm feeling so insanely super,
Not even the fact that you can't walk can bring me down!

He's super, thanks for asking.
All things considered, he couldn't be better, he must say!
He's super. No, nothing bugs me!
Everything is super when you're -- don't you think I look cute in this matching pantsuit I got at Vogue?

I typed out the song by memory, so if there are a few mistakes.. eh well. I hope you've found this lyrical experience to be as uplifting and motivating as I have. Alvis bless you, Big Gay Al. Alvis bless you.
...continue?| game over, or...

Friday, April 30th, 2004

Time:5:10 pm.
Public Service Announcement:


Spending a healthy amount of time on SongMeanings, especially in the Good Charlotte section, really tends to piss me off. I like being pissed off about things like that. So there. Brace yourselves, because here comes a lecture! :D

To anyone considering Good Charlotte, New Found Glory, Blink 182 (as much as I love them.. me being a potty-mouthed-whore and all xD), Avril Lavigne, Simple Plan, and the countless other groups people assume to be punk rock, I offer you a one-finger salute. Punk rock is dead. Punk rock is no more. Punk rock has kicked the bucket, bought the farm, etc. etc. You want to listen to punk rock? Try a little of the Sex Pistols, beeyatch. You guys really think that wearing socks on your arms and shopping at Hot Topic makes you a punk? Sorry, but no, it just makes you look like a loser. Lehewzeher. Not to say that everyone who shop at Hot Topic sucks -- just the ones who do it for the image. It's ignorant and pointless, people, move on and put down those stupid fucking anarchy arm warmers. Do you people even know what anarchy is?! Agh! You bastards are solely responsible for the downfall of society and it's commercial world of sex and silicone and fashion! I HOPE CLIFF YABLONSKI HUNTS EVERY ONE OF YOU DOWN AND BEATS YOU WITH A TIRE IRON.

-=coughs violently=-

I'm sorry about that. As most of you know, I don't usually write long, rambling, somewhat self-righteous entries like this, but I'm bored and angry. Bored and angry.
...continue?| game over, or...

Wednesday, April 28th, 2004

Time:10:02 pm.
I'm back from New Mexico, as most of you know. I have crappy allergies, but otherwise all is good. I missed Michigan and it's uber-crappiness and frequently found myself wishing I'd stayed home and gone to school (hahaha, oxymoron), but whatever :D

School tomorrow. Can you tell that I'm not excited? If you couldn't, then here it is: I'm not excited. I'm not looking forward to facing Wrouble second period. I didn't do anything wrong, but I don't want to be around when she bitches me out for not telling her I was leaving. I was going to, but she decided to not-show-up for class a couple days. >.< So.. yes, tomorrow will be very not-fun, at least until honors comp leaves for Romeo and Juliet, because I'd rather see a guy prance around a stage in tights than listen to one of Mr. Palmer's "I hate every single goddamn one of you" speeches again.

It's 10:00, one hour from where I'm supposed to go to sleep, and I'm not tired because it's 8:00 in New Mexico. Damn you, New Mexico, damn you straight to Hell! Oh, wait a minute - that's right - that's kind of like telling Hell to go to Hell, isn't it? har har har. I am so funny. All hail me, Queen of Comedy.


Everyone flood my LJ with comments telling me how much you love me and how glad you are that I'm back. Please? I'll give you money...
...continue?| game over, or...

Thursday, April 22nd, 2004

Subject:you'll hurt me bad, but I don't mind, you'll hurt me bad but they do it all the time
Time:6:12 pm.
I'm updating again! Yay! >D So bored. An hour and a half left until choir practice.

Beat on the brat, beat on the brat, beat on the brat with a baseball bat. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh-ho. Does anyone else find it odd that The Ramones have a song about beating children with baseball bats? Now -that's- an overrated band. Don't get me wrong, I really like The Ramones, but you have to admit that they.. well. They're not even an eighth as good as The Clash. Their songs are so repetitive, and they all use, what, two chords? Eh... I like them, but they're not nearly as asskicking as so many people think. It bothers me. The Clash is way better.

I've just realized that my current LiveJournal update = pointless and boring. Please don't read this as you may find yourself drooling and you don't want a stain on that nice new shirt, do you? :D Mom's still not home yet. I might go offline in a few and go play some more Silent Hill.

I'm cold.

I'm wearing new Chuck Taylors. They're so shiny and clean! Oh, I love you, Chuck Taylors.

I have a Doraemon sticker, I found it in the little Doraemon candy thing I bought at Ann Arbor. It's so awesome.

I'm really fucking cold.

Why the hell hasn't Maddox updated yet?! I need more piratey goodness before I leave. Arrr.

What? Is a window open or something?

I'll stop now. Sorry that I put you guys through this.
...continue?| game over, or...

Time:5:08 pm.
Mood:pissed off.
I posted in Hermione's journal under my friend's screename. I couldn't help it. It was... I needed to help Eliza!


So I did.

My comment is super super long, but I needed to lay the smackdown and I'd really rather have it end right there. What can her little friends say to that, anyway? I didn't insult them, I just pointed out their mistakes in an attempt to make them feel stupid. Which they are.

And besides.. one of them used "gay" as a derogatory term. That just pisses me off. David Allen, anyone?

I'm gonna go to choir, then to a hotel for the night before I leave para Albuquerque to drive a truck with my high heels on. All of my hide plushies are coming with me, including the hide keychains. :D I'm gonna go now, love you guys.
game over, or...

Wednesday, April 21st, 2004

Subject:funny how time flies...
Time:9:44 pm.
My mom spent a buttload of money on me and I feel like a spoiled little cabbage. How she can so vigorously spend over $300 at the Limited is beyond me, I don't like shopping all that much but she really gets into it.. I'm grateful for her efforts, though. I don't have many clothes that fit me anyway :D We haven't gone shopping together in years.

I really need to talk to Eliza about the.. ahem.. vivid discussion she's participating in on Hermione's journal because I'd love to make her try out some of my new insults flaming is bad. Yes, flaming is bad, don't ever do it...


Yep... bad...

I'm going to go now. I love you all, unless you're Danielle Shaw of Babcock Lane, in which case you can just go fuck a tree. And yes, crazy stalkers out there, that's part of her real address! Go harrass her and put body parts in her mailbox!
game over, or...

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